ubeu Blog

The “C” Word

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 20:35:00 GMT

Change. It’s a four-letter word to most of us. The anticipation of it causes unrest, uncertainty and confusion. What if we started to view it as an opportunity, not a threat? Transforming your living environment into a place that represents now instead of what used to be can be a scary transition. But the reward is the fresh start that always seemed out of your reach.

Change is painful when we don’t want to let go. We convince ourselves that what "was" is safer, and in that safe zone lies our security. Or so we think. Attachment to any form on this earth has the potential to cause pain. Loss is all around us. Are things worth the attachment we place on them, or would our energy be better spent fostering relationships?

Take Away to Feel More

Sat, 05 Nov 2011 17:43:00 GMT

All of the sudden I look up and I am adding yet another thing in my life. Recently, I found myself sitting on the couch, laptop strategically poised in my lap with goals in mind, tasks in my to-do bar and feeling more empty than ever. How could that be? I am more busy and have more responsibilities before.

After honest reflection, I see that what I’m adding are things that distract me with busy-ness rather than personal meaning.

Too often, we add things to our lives to escape that feeling that we’re not enough, there is more to conquer or the more productive I am the more valuable I am.

Our society promotes the idea that "more is better", but in fact, more is more headache, heartache and stress.

When you are feeling the urge to add more, STOP! Feel into your body and ask yourself what is it that is missing? More often than not, it is something that does NOT involve more activity, tasks or things.

Does your overthinking result in less doing?

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 01:50:00 GMT

He who deliberates fully before taking a step will spend his entire life on one leg.
~Chinese proverb.

Over the past seven years, I have seen many of my clients struggle with decision-making. Some always wait until the last minute to complete a project or make a decision, so the deadline decides for them. Others have piles of paper everywhere because they fear if the filing system is not "just right" they'll never find what they need again. Sound familiar?

So how do we make decision-making less daunting? Some ideas:

1. Pick something you would like to have. Focus on the experience, not the thing. For example, if you want an organized closet, focus on the experience that an organized closet will bring. Your focus could be on how easy it is to get ready for work because you can find everything you need.

2. Quiet any busy thoughts, like "But what if I change my mind?" or "But what about...?" We always have objections about why we cannot create what we want. Sometimes those objections help us avoid pitfalls. However, not every pitfall can or should be avoided. Pitfalls can help us refine our process and our goals. Consider them gifts.

3. Approach the process like an inverted triangle. Start with the big, obvious things. When the larger items are out of the way, get more detailed. Avoid overthinking each item as it comes up. Focus on the big picture.

Let's use the organized closet as an example. Begin with a rough sort: Use large bins with big labels for what stays, what goes elsewhere in the house, what goes out completely, and trash. Once all of the items have been sorted, group like items (dress shirts, jeans, jackets, etc.). After grouping like items, put them back in the closet where you want them. This simple sorting might be sufficient, or you might like to refine your system, say, by color-coding within each group.

4. Embrace help when you get stuck. Support from others can keep you on track. Allowing someone else to see your less-than-perfect parts will help free you from the embarrassment or shame that keeps you stuck.

5. Trust and keep going. Have faith in yourself. This is the biggest step. Use the momentum to make the next decision.

When we walk, we don’t deliberate before each step: first right foot, now left foot, now right foot, etc. We trust that each step will be just fine. Sometimes we trip or even fall, but we recover. Decisions can be the same. In the morning, we might weigh in about what shoes to wear. We might even consider whether they are a good choice for the day ahead, but we cannot get stuck in the closet because we can’t decide what shoes to wear.

New Actions

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:13:00 GMT

I’m finding this blog process to be a lot like getting organized---without a support system, I’d feel pretty alone in this endeavor.

When I say support system, I mean those folks closest to us who believe in us and, in fact, support our efforts. It’s not that they have to get in there and help---although if you need help, ask---but we need to surround ourselves with folks that are on our side, especially when we’re getting organized.

But let’s be realistic. Those closest to us have their own problems. Problems they might need our help with. Problems that get in the way of us fully taking care of ourselves. This is where I go beyond the support system to what I call having an anchor.

An anchor comes in the form of a coach or an accountability partner who is crucial to our progress. This person doesn’t need our help. They are here only for us---what a concept! One of my anchors is my business coach, Brett Morris.

In a recent coaching session, I came to appreciate how great it was to have someone hold me to my goals. In theory I can accomplish almost everything on my own---after all most action items were my ideas, but for some reason I question them. (Sound familiar?) Having a coach allows me to take what comes from within and bring it out. From there “actions lead to new actions,” as Brett succinctly put it.

At first thought, getting organized can be overwhelming or unpleasant. Yet, the basics are pretty elementary---group like items, keep only what you use and have space for. But when we’re dealing with the emotions, the history, or the baggage of the current situation, it’s tough to see that these actions will lead to new actions.

This is where having an anchor comes in. Anchors help us stay grounded and focused on what’s most important to us, without needing anything beyond our honest effort. I have many anchors, both professional and personal. And each one helps me realize the next new action.

Getting Started

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 14:50:00 GMT

When I considered starting a blog, it seemed overwhelming. In my mind, I knew it’d be another way to market ubeu®, and it would help me sort out my ideas about writing that book that everyone’s been pestering me about. But finding the time, knowing what I really wanted to achieve, and trusting that I could do it were pretty stymieing.

Sound familiar? Starting any new project is a lot like deciding to get organized. You don’t know where to start. You doubt your abilities to keep it up. You listen to all the tapes that you’ve told yourself---or others have told you---and it’s very easy to stop, delay, postpone, or go grab another Diet Coke.

When I got the email from my web developer, Joe, that the blog page was up, my heart just about stopped. It was show time. It was go time, as in get organized. Like getting organized, I’d been planning this for months in my mind, ruminating and frustrated that it hadn’t happened yet, worrying what boat I was missing. It was on my to-do list, yet I just didn’t have a reason to start.

But sometimes, we have to just start. Whether someone switches on a green light for us, like my web developer or whether we just get so sick of ourselves, our desks, the path to the bathroom, etc., there comes a time when we must act. It’s go time. G.O. time.

A lot of the reason why we want to get organized is to take better care of ourselves. The steps to that outcome can take many forms, from simply setting down your keys in the same place every time to a full-on excavation of the piles on your desk. Remembering the big picture can be a great motivator.

So you’re not alone. Many of us are afraid of starting something because it seems overwhelming. Have the big picture in mind, find what motivates you, and just start.